great, it's my third account here in blogger.com! yay~
hahahahaha! :D i'm sorta doing this while i'm waiting for my picture uploads in friendster. [check my site for the pics http://profiles.friendster.com/kukademsz ]
since i woke up today, i'd been spaced out cos of my dream. yea, that stupid dream. should i tell it or not? sure, i'll tell it anyway.
here goes now.. [i'll tell it from the part where i can remember, ayt?]
well, i was sitting on a table in a resto.. [it's like a diner setting] and on the table right in front of mine, was my dear friend, Mai and another soul. On the table right next to me was a couple. a couple. it was the ever love of my life and the bitch over there. [the ever love of my life i was referring to is that someone which i'm trying to move on from, and yes, i'm really having a hard time doing that. the bitch, meanwhile, was the ever bitchiest girl i knew. she hasn't done anything to me personally but her presence makes me wanna throw her to another world.] yea, so i was overhearing them talking about simple stuffs but yea, they were sweet. the thing is, they know i was right beside them and Mai was signaling to me about it already. i didn't know what was getting into me but i started crying and was trying to hide my face on the dividers on the tables. i was crying uncontrollably already and i was asking Mai to already go, but instead of leaving with me, she just handed me tissue. Then after i wiped my tears, i went off. then, Mai rushed after me. then, there goes the love of my life. he rushed after me too. then he started calling me out and was saying "what's your problem?" [great, as if it really matters to him.] then i said "go back to your girl!" and he was like, "why, do you still love me?" and i was still continuing on with my walk out moment without turning my head to him.. [maybe, cos i know if i turn to him, i'd just want him to hug me and say the words i've been needing him to say and i dun want to be upset and disappointed.] then he was still mumbling words and stuff, shouting from my back and stuff. then i just broke down on the street. i was on the ground crying, with Mai on my side, trying to comfort me. then, there he goes, came rushing for me and was apologizing and all. then we became okay, we made up. then yea, suddenly Mai told me that "the other one" [i'm now referring to, well, i think i can say, my present interest.] is coming over.. then, i got nervous and i forgot everything from there.
now, i dunno why the heck i dreamt of it. all i know is that the dream was so vivid and i really felt the sting feeling on my heart. i felt like my heart was gonna explode and i really was crying. we haven't been talking since earlier this year. it was a couple of months that i've been avoiding talking to him, and just this month i think that we started talking again, and i've gotta say, the thought of us being not able to talk as comfortable as we can before, it breaks me. knowing that what we were before is very far from what we are now, it makes me wanna blame myself. it was from an ultimate fairytale to the meanest nightmare. the feeling of being helpless with the situation just makes me cry. i should be happy for him, sure. he's got the life he wanted and needed, and yea, gotta accept, i'm not in it, but i hafta be at least happy for him. maybe we can really never be and that i was just living in a fantasy, cos yea, the "us" i knew was too good to be true. but hey, gotta give him credits for making that certain point of my life really memorable and happy.
'nuf with my emo-ness. gotta get on. the dream, maybe, was just a reminder that he will always be a huge part of my life.. [and that i'm still not fine!! hahahahahaha. :D joke.] well, anyway. a dream isn't reality. [he'll never chase me.. D:] yea. that's it! uploading's done and i'm outta here!
*rushes to the bathroom and off to SM southmall~*
bye~ ;*
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